A Review? Shocking.

•24th November 09 • 1 Comment

Indeed, me reviewing something is pretty crazy. What is even more crazy is filling four bags with milk and tossing said bags into a henhouse and calling the police to report that the world is about to get lugnuts. But that craziness has no place here.

I have a certain fondness for space games, the Escape Velocity series being prominent on the list. It has a relatively simple interface, a top-down look at a ship you control in the final frontier and whatnot. You start out in a wimpy little thing called a shuttle, which seems to be a little sad considering that’s our most powerful space ship at the moment; but if you use them right, with the right engines and model, shuttles can be bad-ass. This does not apply to EV.

Anyway, you’re plopped down in the middle of a grand and wonderful universe in a tiny ship which looks an awful lot like an early mac, only it appears to be slightly less powerful. (ba-dum tish!) Your first instinct is to drop the ship first chance you get and go kick some ass in a capital ship. You will not be doing this until you have played for almost 3 days.

The story is pretty simple: The federation is the government, the rebels aren’t. I cannot in all faith say I actually played either of their storylines, because trying to play this game correctly is extremely hard. There are all kinds of specific things you have to do, which wouldn’t be so bad if they told you what those things WERE.

You can fight most ships, even though doing so would most likely end up with them alive and you and your ship a pile of ash orbiting some planet in the distant void. Getting a capital ship in this game is like trying to melt butter with your hair: completely and utterly insane. And hard.

So we move on to the next game in the series: Escape Velocity Override. My personal favorite.

It starts out much like EV in the way that you are plopped in the middle of space in a dingy old shuttle. But it has a bigger and better story, this time, and provides a helpful intro. Humanity jumped to the idea of space travel, only to run into aliens and get royally screwed by superior technology. The Voinians, as they were called, destroyed colony after colony, until the only human worlds left were on home ground: The Milky Way. The Voinians advanced their massive fleet to seize earth.. Only to be destroyed, much to the surprise of both humans and aliens.

Quickly the tide of war turned. Expert tacticians used knowledge of enemy ships to strike fast at enemy fleets with fighter squadrons and carrier. One galaxy to the next, the Voinians were knocked back. Finally a truce was discussed and the uneasy and uneffective peace of the modern day has begun. The newly formed Federation guards human space with considerable force in every human colony, but this ”protection” has caused more than a few planets to throw off Federation shackles and begin the Rebellion. And in the corners of known space, humanity has discovered new alien life, just waiting to be met.. Into this world you are thrown with your pathetic ship, and what you do with it shall tie these races together.. Or destroy them all.

The game plays similarly to EV, but now attacking anyone is liable to immediate execution.. Except traders, for some reason. Kill them whenever you want. The story missions are much easier to follow and the items are a lot better designed: huge battery packs boost your maximum power capacity, and solar panels recharge your energy as you fly by the millions of stars. You can explore the universe at your whim, and you will certainly find some incredible things: peaceful, advanced aliens that although not letting you land on their planets, do so with good reason, and are bluntly neutral to you.

The number of ships you can get is greatly enhanced, including all alien ships and human ships, although of course you must do some necessary things to gain this privelege. Weapons and items are improved, as I have said. This game also includes bount hunter and renegades, who are basically pirates. Although you never want to mess with these guys in a shuttle, once you have a ship the size of mars and a hankerin’ to use it, the idea of getting revenge on those punks who kept killing you for no reason is a very tempting proposition. I’m afraid to say I don’t know whether you can become a bounty hunter in this game, but you certainly can in the next installment of this series:

The final game in this series to date, Escape Velocity Nova is a very well made game if a little off in places.

The story is such: After a genius named Omata Kane invented Stargates Hypergates, humanity zoomed out into space and went exploring for space booty. They found some space booty, but then terrorists blew up the main Hypergates, and they were all stuck with their loot for around several millenia. Correctly assuming they were screwed, they started colonies that eventually sprouted into huge, glorious civilizations. Meanwhile, Earth tinkered around with Hypergates and had some wars and such when suddenly they accidently fixed the Hypergates and suddenly found the old explorers they’d given up on had created sprawling empires that were way better than theirs. So they decided to shoot at them.

The Federation returns in the form of the Earth government that enslaved one of the best human offsprings, the Psychic Vell-os, and tried to kill all the rest. Except they’re not really evil. They’re just controlled by an evil shadow government called the Afe Illuminati The Bureau of Internal Investigations. If you do their storyline, You end up killing or enslaving every other civiliztion except yours and crowning yourself evil lord of everything.

Then there’s the Aurorans, who are basically Spartans. No, not the Halo kind, but actual Spartans. Except in space. So I guess they are kinda like the Halo kind. They stuck with normal guns while the Federation made photon guns. Instead of shields, they have giant sheets of metal, and their empire, called the Auroran Empire, creatively enough, is made up of five factions, each trying to be the biggest, most suicidally courageous faction. And then there’s the Rimertans, which are what Spartans are to us for Spartans. If you do their storyline, you end up blowing up the Federation and making friends with everyone else. Also, you get a loincloth. I’m not kidding.

Then there’s the Rebellion. Guys who realized early on that the Federation was completely evil. I think that the FREAKING SHADOW GOVERNMENT WAS A BIG TIP, EH? I mean, you’d think that the Bureau is all secretive, but they have the fact that they rule the Federation ON TV! Except it’s not TV, it’s Holovids, and no one seems to care. Anyways, the Rebellion ticks me off because the leaders are each one OF THE GAME’S DESIGNERS. If I haven’t mentioned this, the first 2 EV games were made by a company named Ambrosia, which was a good company, if a little bland. But EVN was made in a joint effort with ATMOS, by which I mean they plastered their names all over it. That’s not being very fair, actually. They also made the sprites, meaning they did around 70% of the entire game, but that doesn’t entail them to make the game into one of their crazy fantasies.

Anyway, if you beat the Rebellion storyline, you make friends with everyone besides yourself and blow up the leader of the Bureau. Then you get some crazy story about how the last human ever whispered your name before ascending to heaven to eat donuts for eternity. And also peace throughout the universe, yada yada yada. Rather than have their OWN ships, they just give the Federation ships a new paint job and call it a day.

Then there’s the Pirates. The Pirates in this game were my favorite faction, because it actually expands on YOU, the character. Apparently your dad was the biggest, most powerful pirate in the universe with a ship the size of a small sun, and you didn’t notice this for your entire life. I guess that has to do with the fact that he was killed off before you were born, but still. Anyway, they are like the Rebellion very slightly in the way that most of their ships are just modified versions of other ships, but Pirates do it way better. Rather than just paint stuff black, the Pirate trademark, they actually modify their ships to the optimum efficiency, which I find very logical. I mean, why would you build a warship that can only hold half as many giant bazookas as a better version could?

The Pirates are very logical, and steal the blueprints to a multitude of ships and make adjustments to up the capabilities of said vessels. They also have their own, custom ships which are made entirely for them. Suck it, Rebels! Anyway, if you play Pirates you get one of the best ships in the game for free and become the leader of the Pirates. It’s funny, actually, because the Pirates AREN’T Pirates; they’re just a misunderstood trading organization that was overthrown by a jackass named Morgan. You eventually kick his ass and take your place as Pirate King, and nothing changes in intergalactic politics at all. You do help the Rebels a bunch, which annoys me, but let’s move on to the last two civs.

The Vell-os, I mentioned before, WERE and epic and massive perfect society of awesomeness, but then got randomly enslaved because they were also hippies, so they didn’t wanna fight. So the Federation blew up their entire empire and use the remaining psychics as slaves and judges. You’d think the Federation civilians might find SLAVES a little bias for fear of severe beatings and death, but the Federation civilians are complete IDIOTS being ruled by a shadow government that is very much in the light.

Their ships are interesting in the fact that they aren’t ships in the literal sense, that is, big metal vessels you use to cross space or water, but mental constructs you psychicly manifest and control. If you do their storyline, you become a slave that can no longer buy anything. Otherwise, you follow the Federation storyline until the end, where after enslaving and killing everyone else for your masters, you kick their asses, a little late in my opinion, and ascend to another plane of existence, leaving your victims to rot.

Finally, my second favorite civ and the easiest to play, the insanely advanced Polaris. They’ve fused organisms and technology flawlessly, and combined many of the best aspects of all the other civs: Many of them have at least a small amount of psychic powers, they’re spilt into five or six castes, which, instead of fighting for dominance, also have a leadership class and work together without quarrels in total perfection. They have potent shielding and laser weaponry, and their armor is made of spun diamond. You can’t get much more awesome than that, but they do. They also have the biggest ship in the game, the Raven. Remember how I said that the Big Pirate Ship was the size of a small sun? This is the size of a LARGE sun.

Moving on to the gameplay, which I may or may not have covered; There is an advanced Physics engine which the Raven completely disregards because it is awesome. There is a cloaking device in this game, which is nice, and there is a huge supply of items for each race. Considering you can only do one storyline per playthrough, you can still gain a good many. There are weapons that shoot bullets, weapons that shoot lasers, weapons that shoot bombs, weapons that shoot bombs that shoot lasers, weapons that shoot missiles, weapons that shoot lightning, weapons that shoot lasers which shoot lasers, weapons that shoot nukes, and other stuff. There are so many it’s hard to keep track.

You can take over ships, but that’s in every game. What’s better in this one is that you actually have a chance at succeeding. If you can take over a ship bigger than yours, you can jump for joy and crack your head on a ceiling, then sell your old ship after you get out of the hospital. Of course, taking over ships other than pirates instantly results in every single ship that ship’s government and its mother trying to kill you without question. You can also do trade routes, but those are boring. Pirating pirates is one of the best ways of making money.

There is an alarming amount of planets, but somehow the exploration aspect falls a bit short; everywhere besides the places you’d go anyway are boring, uninhabited wastelands with not purpose or fun at all. I suspect this review is getting a little long because of the little counter clicking up to 2200 words, so I’ll wrap it up quickly; the EV series is very fun, but only to a point, and then it becomes a boring grindfest. I hope you’ve had fun reading this review!

Good Luck Spacing!



My Imperial Guard army

•21st November 09 • Leave a Comment

Yes im going to tell you all what i have in my army. I dont have Mutch but i have some. I have 2 Infantry squads and thats all i have now. If you looked at Games Workshops website You will have seen that Warhammer costs a prety penny well a lot of prety pennys. So Know what you want and get it all at X-mas “quote” .

Im going to get more stuff soon but i need to paint it it all first.

i will post a pic of my colar scem as soon as i can

my new comic

•21st November 09 • Leave a Comment

I gust got a new comic named ” spider-man”.   I’m sir you’ve heard of it.    so in this comic, it’s baste far in the spider man world.  lick all of his enemies are in jell and he is part of another comic to.



•18th November 09 • Leave a Comment

Christmas or as i like to say X-mas is just around the corner! I have all ready started making my wish list and it is all Warhammer stuff booyah! who saw that coming well everybody probably :(. But i probably wont get that many Basilisk’s for my army because there minimum range is 36″. So i will probably just get some “Lemun Russ Battle Tanks” being almost as good as the Basilisk and no minimum rang! The Lemun Russ Battle tank has one main turret a gun in the front and 2 sponsons on the sides.It one of the best tanks in the game for how much it costs point wise! Here are some pics.

California school of the deaf

•12th November 09 • 1 Comment

We went to the California School of the Deaf today. There was An open house event that had a raffle and food and people selling stuff. We did not win the raffle but we had fun and learned A lot there were A few hearing Dogs. s we could not pet them because they were Working. There mascot Is An Eagul.I saw A puppy there he/she was in a cage sleeping. I had fun they were selling Pumpkin bread and Fudge we did not get any but it looked good. Also a lady gave us some cookys!

Taco bell dog

•9th November 09 • 2 Comments

dogs, dogs, dogs,  there all the same  for except  1,  little  chihuahua named Gidget the taco bell dog. when they first started having Gidget in their show taco bell got sewed by two guy because the two guys came up with the idea and taco bell took it. so taco bell lost $30.1 million and plush 12 million 2 month later.    so taco bell lost millions off a dog…………….this dog

and recently he passed away and ” the daly show”  celebrated it by hiding a taco under  his desk and showing it and eating it.

captain america the movie

•9th November 09 • 1 Comment

Hay have you guys heard that they are making “the captain america the movie” in 2012.